do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
