careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
