We're like a lot better than the average bears
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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