Your tits are I can't wait for
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
