Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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