How'd it feel making her break her religion?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
