Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I want a musical about memes.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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