look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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