dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
smell my finger.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
