Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
