no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
