so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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