This is not my ceiling
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
