I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
