Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize