My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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