Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
