She's JV to your varsity
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
