Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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