Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
