6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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