She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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