Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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