He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
