I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
