nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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