saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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