Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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