we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
