I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
