omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
