hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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