apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
