I just pynch a tree in the face
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
