And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
