census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
