What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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