He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize