I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
