but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
