its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
