Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
