I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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