you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I will be naked everywhere
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
