I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
