I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
