508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
