They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
