Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Congratulations! We have a period
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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