Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
