Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
