So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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