Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
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She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
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i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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