Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
