My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
