are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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