i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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