I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
