I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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