And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
