Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
