this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
