I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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