I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
