You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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