Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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