idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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