HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
