I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
