how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
