I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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