I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
