There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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