I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
