i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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