Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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